on November 8, 2021
There can be a lot of shame tied up in the use of the term ‘maladaptive behaviours’ or ‘responses’. It implies that we are wrong for doing and being how we are. We are not. We are how we are because we adapted as best we could with the information and experiences we had. Often, this was a time before we had language, before we could walk, before we could do anything other than look to our primary caregivers to keep us safe.
Then…
… comes a time when we feel that perhaps there are other ways to do things, other ways to respond or manage or move through the world, other than the ones that we have always known. This is when we get brave enough to begin collecting information and experiences that, over time, give us the capacity and agency to make a new choice – ‘use my old survival tools or try some new ones?’.
Because that is all that those ‘maladaptive behaviours’ are – old survival tools. Just because they’re old, doesn’t make them bad or wrong. They can still be very useful. A good old-fashioned dissociation or sprint from the room can be just what is needed! Then again, sometimes not.
Instead of taking those early-established responses away from you, instead of demonising a freeze or fight response, we simply work towards giving your nervous system the room, the time, the capacity, the agency to make a choice between what it’s always done, and something a little different. So, if you need to fight, you still can, but if you don’t, you have the choice.
In short, those old hard-wired behaviours aren’t wrong and they don’t make you wrong. Only when those behaviours place yourself or another at risk, do they become something that we re-work.
If we worked towards removing or thwarting all your defense and protective responses (social engagement, fight, flight, freeze), you’d never be able to respond appropriately to your environment and you’d be right back where you started.
We just work towards supporting the whole of you towards choice, agency and options.